Who is the Borderline: Real or Fake?

Much of the function of Borderline Personality Disorder is to protect one from one's own "REAL" emotions and "REAL" self primarily to avoid the pain that awaits this integrated knowledge of self.

In order to be "REAL" each borderline must open up to the pain that created this personality disorder in the first place.

It is necessary to take ownership of your pain. Your pain does not belong to anyone else -- it is yours.

When I was borderline, though I was very much lost to myself there I was always somewhat aware that who I "seemed to be" was not really who I was "meant to be". This descrepancy between what is real and what is fake lies at the heart of this personality disorder.

So much of the behaviour and the the thoughts that are clung to as "truth" by the borderline are actually fake. Fake in the sense that behaviour, thoughts, perceptions, and actions are all generated from the protective reality of BPD as opposed to the ultimate reality of one's own individual identity and personhood.

It is a rocky road from protection to an open willingness to learn and grow through the pain. It is also a long road. No one can insist a borderline walk this road it is a matter of individual choice.

Often, however, within the throes of active BPD one does not realize that they do, in fact, have choices. For many borderlines choices are exercised more by the fake-protective self (often more subconscious than conscious).

Borderlines need to come to realize that there comes a time and place in life where one is only going to cause themselves and everyone else in his or her life more pain by continuing to avoid who and what he or she really is.

One cannot have BPD and not have been hurt or failed or betrayed -- or have perceived said hurt, failure (on part of others to nurture) or betrayal. Borderline pain is real. So too is the struggle to be real versus the struggle to be fake. If a borderline can be fake then for all intents and purposes a borderline can, in effect, invalidate his or her true pain -- the pain that feels to annhiliating to face.

In order to heal from BPD each borderline must make a conscious choice to continue to walk down the road to the "REAL" - "AUTHENTIC" he or she that they are meant to be. This means that continuing to invest in borderline thinking or behaving is a choice to continue to hurt and to continue to project out one's pain and conflicts onto others instead of owning them and working to resolve them inside of one's self.

The degree to which what is not acknowledged or owned makes one fake is the degree to which BPD robs its sufferers of the freedom to choose to create and re-create themselves in any lasting and consistently meaninful way. Being borderline, acting borderline and or thinking "borderline thoughts" means that you continue to make a choice to be unreal, fake, protectively escaping who you really are and who you were truly meant to be.

Borderline pain is real. The belief that it is bigger than you or that you "can't help it" it is fake. Borderline suffering is real. The belief that you can't change that is not. Borderline Personality Disorder presents and develops a fake persona to make up for the loss of one's real self -- a loss that one does not have to continue to endure if one truly wants to be who he or she was meant to be.

Borderlines need to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions. It is only through the taking of responsibility and a willingness to work for true change that borderlines can cross the bridge from fake to real.

If you are borderline the essence of your true self awaits your acknowledgment and your arrival. Your true identity awaits your choice to lay your false or fake identity to rest.

© Ms. A.J. Mahari - May 22, 2000

Originally published at Suite101.com

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