Soul's Thought of The Day For November 22, 2001
Soul's Thought of The Day For November 22, 2001
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SOUL'S THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Volume Three - Issue #11 -#6/Honour your Inner
By Ms. A.J. Mahari (aka soul)
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"The person ... in the grip of an old
distress says things that are not
pertinent, does things that don't work,
fails to cope with the situation, and
endures terrible feelings that have
nothing to do with the present."
-- Harvey Jackson
"The knowledge illuminated forgotten
chambers in the dark house of infancy.
I knew now why I could feel homesick at
home." -- C.K. Chesterton
The concept of an inner child is one that not everyone agrees
with. But, for many who have experienced (and continue to
re-experience this past in the here and now) abuse and unmet
needs in childhood it makes a great deal of sense.
Each on of us has an inner child or inner children. (Inner children
in the sense that there being more than one refers essentially
to the same essence of self but over the developmental stages
of maturity and not to being multiple or having alters which is
something totally different.)
In the Transactional Analysis Model (Eric Berne, M.D.) it is
theorized that within each of us is a Parent, Adult and Child.
These are known as ego states. These ego states have a lot
to do with how we relate to ourselves and to others. That
relating is often dependent upon which ego state you are
relating from and to which ego state in another that you are
relating to. It is safe to say that much of this goes on inside
of us on a subconscious level until we make a conscious
choice to tap into it and to understand it. This is the place
from which change can truly take place.
For those with trigger issues, anxiety, post traumatic stress
disorder and the like the inner child in you is likely still
living at some past stage (time) in your life where you were
essentially unable to grow (emotionally past it) due to not
having your developmental needs satiated.
First you must get to know this inner child. You must learn
to distinguish his/her thoughts and feelings (usually from
the past) for your Parent and Adult thoughts (more to do
with the present). Once you have done this and you believe
in that little one inside you it is important to forge a
healthy relationship with this part of yourself.
Honouring your inner child involves this recognition. It also
involves doing what is known as "inner child work". If you
have past issues that are still affecting your life today, and
or more specifically interfering with your ability to enjoy and
comfortably live your life in the here and now than you will
likely benefit from tapping into your inner child.
Honouring the pain, the experience, the shame, the needs
of this little inner child can mean the difference between
success and failure in relationships. It can mean the
difference between peace and rage, between connecting
and alienation, between remaining needy or meeting
your own needs.
Endless wells of grief, isolated-emptiness, loneliness,
an aching neediness that cannot be quieted -- feelings
so deep and so profound that it can feel like the entire
world loving you at once could not even begin to be
"enough" -- this is the pain of your inner child.
Honour your inner child today. And even if that little one
has caused you recent grief, shame and or embarrassment,
be there for him/her and let him/her know that you love
him/her and that, if anything, you may be disappointed or
even hurt by behaviour that this ego state has generated in
your life. Be accepting of this reality. Do not be punishing
to this little one inside that is crying out for help, for
love and for attention. Let your Parent ego state comfort
this inner child and show it unconditional acceptance, no
matter what.
Honouring your inner child is a positive and healthy thing
to do. It can mean the difference between feeling helpless
and taking back your personal power. It is the difference
between feeling that you need to react and protect every
time you feel hurt by what others do or say and being
able to leave those "original wounds" in your past where
they belong. Welcome home your inner child. Stand beside
him/her. Do not leave him/her alone or walk away from him/her
ever again. Take your inner child's hand and walk together
through out all of your experiences.
If you don't tap into your inner child and stand with him/her
you are in effect absolutely re-abandoning yourself in ways
that will only set yourself up for both self-sabotage and
failure -- over and over again.
The journey to recovery, to mental health, to peace and
comfort within your own skin can only be accomplished through
the welcoming home of your inner child and all of his/her
feelings, thoughts and fears. Reach out and take the hand
of that little girl/boy today and give yourself the gift of
a much deeper understanding of self.
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Thought of The Day for Thursday, November 22, 2001
Thought Of The Day email edition. Copyright (C) 2001
Ms. A.J. Mahari (soulselfhelp@rogers.com) All rights reserved.
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as of November 22, 2001
