Soul's Thought of The Day For November 22, 2001

                      SOUL'S THOUGHT OF THE DAY
             Volume Three - Issue #11 -#6/Honour your Inner       

                      By Ms. A.J. Mahari (aka soul)

"The person ... in the grip of an old distress says things that are not pertinent, does things that don't work, fails to cope with the situation, and endures terrible feelings that have nothing to do with the present." -- Harvey Jackson "The knowledge illuminated forgotten chambers in the dark house of infancy. I knew now why I could feel homesick at home." -- C.K. Chesterton
The concept of an inner child is one that not everyone agrees with. But, for many who have experienced (and continue to re-experience this past in the here and now) abuse and unmet needs in childhood it makes a great deal of sense. Each on of us has an inner child or inner children. (Inner children in the sense that there being more than one refers essentially to the same essence of self but over the developmental stages of maturity and not to being multiple or having alters which is something totally different.) In the Transactional Analysis Model (Eric Berne, M.D.) it is theorized that within each of us is a Parent, Adult and Child. These are known as ego states. These ego states have a lot to do with how we relate to ourselves and to others. That relating is often dependent upon which ego state you are relating from and to which ego state in another that you are relating to. It is safe to say that much of this goes on inside of us on a subconscious level until we make a conscious choice to tap into it and to understand it. This is the place from which change can truly take place. For those with trigger issues, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and the like the inner child in you is likely still living at some past stage (time) in your life where you were essentially unable to grow (emotionally past it) due to not having your developmental needs satiated. First you must get to know this inner child. You must learn to distinguish his/her thoughts and feelings (usually from the past) for your Parent and Adult thoughts (more to do with the present). Once you have done this and you believe in that little one inside you it is important to forge a healthy relationship with this part of yourself. Honouring your inner child involves this recognition. It also involves doing what is known as "inner child work". If you have past issues that are still affecting your life today, and or more specifically interfering with your ability to enjoy and comfortably live your life in the here and now than you will likely benefit from tapping into your inner child. Honouring the pain, the experience, the shame, the needs of this little inner child can mean the difference between success and failure in relationships. It can mean the difference between peace and rage, between connecting and alienation, between remaining needy or meeting your own needs. Endless wells of grief, isolated-emptiness, loneliness, an aching neediness that cannot be quieted -- feelings so deep and so profound that it can feel like the entire world loving you at once could not even begin to be "enough" -- this is the pain of your inner child. Honour your inner child today. And even if that little one has caused you recent grief, shame and or embarrassment, be there for him/her and let him/her know that you love him/her and that, if anything, you may be disappointed or even hurt by behaviour that this ego state has generated in your life. Be accepting of this reality. Do not be punishing to this little one inside that is crying out for help, for love and for attention. Let your Parent ego state comfort this inner child and show it unconditional acceptance, no matter what. Honouring your inner child is a positive and healthy thing to do. It can mean the difference between feeling helpless and taking back your personal power. It is the difference between feeling that you need to react and protect every time you feel hurt by what others do or say and being able to leave those "original wounds" in your past where they belong. Welcome home your inner child. Stand beside him/her. Do not leave him/her alone or walk away from him/her ever again. Take your inner child's hand and walk together through out all of your experiences. If you don't tap into your inner child and stand with him/her you are in effect absolutely re-abandoning yourself in ways that will only set yourself up for both self-sabotage and failure -- over and over again. The journey to recovery, to mental health, to peace and comfort within your own skin can only be accomplished through the welcoming home of your inner child and all of his/her feelings, thoughts and fears. Reach out and take the hand of that little girl/boy today and give yourself the gift of a much deeper understanding of self.

      Thought of The Day for Thursday, November 22, 2001      
      Thought Of The Day email edition. Copyright (C) 2001
      Ms. A.J. Mahari ( All rights reserved.
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