The isolated and desperate need help

Thursday January 24, 2002
A.J. MAHARI

The coroner's inquest into three suicides in a four-month period at Grand River Hospital deserves attention. The inquest is still going on at RIM Park in Waterloo but we, as a society, have a responsibility to help avoid such fatal solutions to individual pain. Relatives of Wayne Cutler, one of the three men who committed suicide, were photographed attending the inquest a couple of weeks ago.

A.J. Mahari

Three suicides at Grand River Hospital over a span of four months and the on-going inquest have raised the visibility of an otherwise often invisible personal dilemma.

This has given our community the opportunity to learn more and to take an active role in being a part of the solution as opposed to being a part of the problem. The problem has been a long-standing one of suicide being viewed primarily as a mental health issue.

The solution involves a more joint effort on the part of those in the mental health system, the community as a whole, support groups, family and friends, doctors and churches.

There is stigma attached to both mental illness and suicide. Therefore, on top of what people feel by the time they are in crisis, there is the double bind of shame that leads so many to suffer quietly until they cannot bear what they feel any longer.

"Suicide is a community issue. It is not just a mental health issue."

This is an isolated place to be. It is often compounded by the fact that, for many, getting the help they need from the mental health system or the community as a whole does not happen fast enough.

How many people, when someone they know or love is suicidal, feel helpless and/or back away?

How often do we let our own fears and stereotyped assumptions about what leads someone to feel this way cause us to abandon someone in his/her greatest time of need?

We also have to examine our own fear of death and of emotional pain and difficulty in order to be able to reach out to those who are suicidal and need our support.

Suicide is a community issue. It is not just a mental health issue. According to Terry Dick, executive director of Waterloo Region Self Help, "People have to accept that suicide is a part of the human condition. It has been pathologized and might be best looked at as a spiritual issue. The damage and suffering is compounded by making it a mental health issue."

Whose responsibility is it to ensure that someone who is suicidal does not succumb to death at their own hands?

"Mental health services are just one piece. The community needs to take more responsibility for looking at ways that we can support those who feel isolated and emotionally backed into a corner," said Sandra Parkinson, who is the community development and education services co-ordinator with the Canadian Mental Health Association.

Parkinson added that "calling a friend who is willing to listen and not judge, calling a distress centre, place of faith, the family doctor are all pieces of the puzzle along with mental health."

As a society, we do not deal very openly with death, even in its natural form. When it comes to suicide, many shun these very real and human struggles. Society seems much more comfortable when suicide remains invisible. Not everyone who attempts or completes suicide is mentally ill.

Life keeps demanding more from each of us in our ever-increasingly fast-paced lives as we continue to become more isolated from each other, work more, and have less time for family and friends. We live in very stressful times. We live in complicated times. However, throughout each era in human history, there have been people attempting and/or completing suicide.

Our mental health system is underfunded, stressed beyond the limit and overburdened. Does the system fail people? Undoubtedly, yes.

This notwithstanding, however, those who attempt or complete suicide share in the responsibility -- a responsibility that is also shared with society in general.

As a community, we need to care more about each other. We need to invest the time needed to support, listen and connect in meaningful ways. It is crucial that we not judge and not treat those who are suicidal as outcasts for how they feel.

When someone completes the act of suicide, it is a loss to an entire community. How often do we even stop to consider that?

The time has come that we, as a society, must raise the reality of suicide to our collective awareness and stop shunning those who are struggling with this profound pain behind closed doors, shrouded in the shadows of stigmatized shame.

A.J. Mahari of Kitchener is editor of The Voice Magazine and a mental health consumer who is also an advocate for others in many areas of mental health.

as of February 1, 2002