I Was Only Six
I was only 6 when this whole abuse starting taking place. "He"
was a next door neighbour that was close to the family that we
had to call him and his wife "uncle" and "auntie". Uncle Fred
must have jumped for joy when asked to babysit my brother (who
would have been 2 at the time) and I, while my mother and his
wife went to bingo. He could have me all to himself.
The abuse started off slow and I let it happen all because I
wanted a story read to me. The good feelings, I hate to admit
of him touching me, soon became bad feelings and painful and
hurtful as he became more daring with actual intercourse and
oral sex. He would put his hand over my mouth so I wouldn't
scream during intercourse, so I wouldn't wake my brother up.
After the oral sex, I remember the sperm would be in my long
hair and I would hang my head over the toilet and spit
everything out. I could never figure out why my bed was wet.
After the episode as I called it, he would just leave me! and
I would crawl into my safe closet underneath the clothes,
until my mother came home. This happened for 2 years, until
I was 8 years old. It happened at his house too, with his
wife upstairs making dinner. When my dad found out he was angry,
but only thought touching took place, and this was the '60's,
not to make excuses. He confronted Uncle Fred, and this is
the worst part of this whole abuse; I had to apologize to Fred
for causing trouble! I, to this day will never forgive my parents
for that one.
I still have flashbacks, they happen during strange times. I
have gone through 6 years of therapy, so I had quite a few years
of flashbacks then and now a few years later I still have them
occassionally. I dissociated during the abuse, and I still split
off sometimes. My way of coping.
He never had to pay for raping me, but he did die a bad death
from cancer - so I was glad about that. As for me now - I am
very overweight, and I am sure that stems from the abuse. I know
it wasn't my fault, and I have gotten over the guilt, shame and
dirt I felt about myself. It was control. I am on disability at
the moment as I am Bipolar (manic depressive), nothing to do with
the abuse, but that's where things stand now.
Thanks for reading my story.
Deb
