Soul Self Help

Website Re-Construction

Please Note: This website has been re-designed and I am in the process of up-dating all of its pages into its new look and theme. I hope you can be patient with older pages as this is a large site and it will take time for me to get all pages into the new design. I am also doing some site housekeeping - getting rid of unused pages and adding some new pages so if you click on a link that doesn't work at the moment it is because it is under construction -- Still plugging away at this - Thanks! - A.J. Mahari, December 7, 2013





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The History of This Website


Soul Self Help is the first website that A.J. Mahari put together online in April of 1995. It is a site that she wrote a lot of information for and assembled some other information for as well. For information that was contained in The Self Mastery Blog and Narcissism (NPD) Blog that were available on this site please check back for that information to be posted soon at A.J.'s Main Blog You can find her BPD Blog and check back here soon for her new Loved Ones of BPD Blog address (currently being moved).

As A.J. Mahari, herself reflects, "Finally, now, in 2009, this site has been re-designed and I have added to that re-design a new theme. The theme that this website uses as its base is a theme that has unfolded in a very rich and meaningful way in my own life in years since I first created this site with the theme of the transitional nature of change and the metaphor of the butterfly. This site's theme is now, "Perfect speed is just being there." which is my favourite line in Richard Bach's book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull".

The Purpose of This Website


Soul Self Help reflects my experience in my own life of actualizing a more consciousness awareness of and to healing, recovery, purpose, promise, and passion in ways that represent my authenticity and my overall spiritual and general life philosophy. A philosophy that has as its centre the belief that pain and adversity are not only challenges but that they are also wonderful growth opportunities.

This website features self help and self improvement information designed to assist you in the change you seek in your life. Designed also to inform you on various issues related to healing and recovery on the path toward personal growth and personal enlightenment. An on-going process of increasing your awareness to the unfolding moment in your life with a focus on how to be more fully present to each and every unfolding moment, one moment at a time, safe in the knowledge, emotional equanimity, and peace of knowing that through the practice of radical acceptance, "Perfect speed is just being there."



The Symbolism of The Seagull


The symbolism of the seagull in particular in various Native American Cultures includes a care-free attitude, versatility, and freedom.

In Celtic Mythology birds are used to represent prophetic knowledge and skill. When one combines the animal symbolism of a wide variety of cultures the bird, generally, is symbolic of communication, freedom, and sight along with the soul and transcendence. They are spirits of the air representing ascent - a rising upward movement.

The movement upward from a lower to a higher state, generally within the journey of life is, in my opinion, the ascent of the authentic self - the soul - as each one of us continues to mature, to grow, to evolve, and to seek authentic self improvement from and through which we seek to more fully be present to the here and now. The ascent that is this upward movement throughout the journey of life which may well not be limited to this world is profoundly illustrated by the journey of Bach's main character, Jonathan Livingston Seagull in his book of the same name. As Bach's character, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, continues to soar, to learn how to fly higher and faster, applying the lessons of his experience, an Elder tries to guide Jonathan with the wise words, "... perfect speed is just being there." It is an example of the importance of not only the journey and the reached for destination but also the importance of experiencing each moment of the journey. To that end, Bach's character is given the lesson that I think we can all benefit from applying to our own life philosophies of "Perfect speed is just being there."

I interpret the importance of "Perfect speed is just being there" to be a message about the reality that no matter what is going on in our lives at a given time the best way to meet any and all challenges or mistakes and stresses - which are truly growth opportunities - by just being present to them - just being there. Wherever or whatever there means or is representative of in your life right now.

Sometimes, in our lives, the there has to do with unresolved emotional pain that our unwillingness to face gives our power over to in ways that leave us stuck in patterns that block change and growth and self improvement. If we aren't consciously present to the the there moments of our lives "perfect speed" is rendered irrelvant because our choices are impeding our movement. Instead of having any movement to contend with we end up stuck. Stuck with aspects of our pasts colouring and in fact, often, re-creating past experience in our here and now in ways that rob us of the precious and sacred unfolding here and now moments of our lives. Moments that come to pass as all moments do. Moments that we cannot ever get back again.




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A.J. Mahari's Life Coaching Services

General Life Coaching
Coaching for those with Borderline Personality Disorder or Loved Ones

Web Site Dedication


This web site is dedicated to the liver of life, the seeker of more, and to all of you who, like I, were wounded, have incurred many heart-wrenching losses, endured much pain and still search for a better, happier and more peaceful way. It is there for the finding. It must first be found from deep within yourself. Each one of us will identify a different, individual "happier" or more "peaceful". To look for something that we might think others have or "everyone else" has is to fool ourselves into suffering needlessly based upon cognitively distorted and unworthy comparisons.

All you have to do, is follow your path on your journey in your life. For your way is the way for you. Do not compare yourself to others. Esteem and awaken to the worth of you, just being you. Your life is unfolding as it should. You can learn to find and practice and attitude of gratitude for everything in your life, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad - all that is paradoxical when you awaken to the awareness that you you can learn that your experience and beingness can be centered in each unfolding moment, one moment at a time. In the most stressful and painful experience of a moment, all you need to do is be present to what you are feeling, radically accept it in a mindful way and then just breathe.

The Mandate and Mission of This Website


The Mandate


The mandate of this website was first set forth, in its original incarnation, when I was searching for a greater understanding of who I authentically was. Having now, years later firmly come to an understanding of who I authentically am the mandate of this website, while somewhat changed, remains largely the same. It is my hope that this website and its information will be a safe place to land, a safe place to fall, as you sit at your computer seeking what it is that you so want and need to find in your own life. The mandate of this website is really one of faith in action. It is one that seeks to minister in ways that aren't "religion specific" but in ways that are spiritual in their framework and foundation. This has always been the mandate of this website though I didn't actually ever come right out and articulate that before. I do so now because all these years later - 13 years since I first created this website - I believe it is important to not hide the fact that what I write here and include here for you, in fact, is coming from my own service to my own faith. My own belief in the importance of giving back.


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The Mission


The mission of this website is to provide an environment of information in a warm and caring way that will give you a feel for where I am coming from and why. I hope that you will experience the compassion and care that has gone into what I have included here for you - the seeker of more. If you are in pain today, please know that your pain is seeking to bring to you some sacred awareness from deep within you that can and will teach you what you need to know to heal, recover, create the change you want and need in your life - to improve yourself - whatever that may mean to you.

Each one of us has a sacred contract with his or her authentic self to awaken in much more fully aware ways to the authentic self and to make manifest that growing authenticity in this world in consistent, congruent and positive purposeful ways that enable each one of us to be as inter-connected to the main that is humanity in multitude of ways that seeds can be planted and gardens can be nurtured. The paying it forward of planting seeds, watering, and tending to the nurturance of planted seeds in the ever-evolving journey of what the garden of your life is will make manifest in your life the unfolding journey that seeks to teach you even more about what it means to be fully you.

A.J.'s Personal Message


To each person who seeks information that can be found on this website, along with others, I just want to emphasize a message of hope for you. Wherever you are in your life right now, it is my wish for you that you have a connection to hope.

If you do not feel that connection to hope right now, which can often lead to feelings of despair, know that this does not mean that you can't or won't find or re-establish a previous connection to hope. It is painful to feel hopeless. Hopelessness, is at times, a part of the journey of healing, recovery, and/or personal growth. As a Mental Health and Life Coach I have found that clients often come from a place of feeling hopeless. Remember, feeling hopeless, while valid if that's how you feel, does not actually mean that there isn't hope in your life or situation to be found - it doesn't mean there isn't any hope for you at all. It just means that's how you are feeling right now. Radically accept that. Do not invest energy into the negativity of worrying about the state of feeling hopeless. That's not the way to re-connect to or to find hope.

Hope is a central driving force toward and for positive life change. Often psychological, emotional, spiritual, and even physical pain, is the beginning of the awareness that change is needed. What so often comes with that pain, that burgeoning awareness is a challenge to whatever hope you may have had thus far in your life. That's why it is so important to have an attitude of gratitude to draw positive inner-energy from in times that challenge with distorted or negative thoughts that can and do negatively effect how one feels which also can compromise your hope. Remember, pain is a teacher of the lessons that require our attention. Pain is valuable. Avoidance of pain only keeps people in pain longer, suffering longer, and all-too-often losing their connection to hope.

It is hope that can and does spring eternal, I believe, from our spiritual centre. So much of what each person seeks, can and needs to at one point or another, be recognized as being a part of his or her spiritual growth and getting to know more about your authentic self. So much of the Life Coaching that I do with clients comes down to the spiritual reality of of and quest for hope and a greater understanding of authentic self.



A.J. Mahari's Life Coaching Services

General Life Coaching
Emotional Mastery Coaching
Coaching for those with Borderline Personality Disorder or Loved Ones




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A.J.'s Life/Mental Health BPD & Emotional Mastery Coaching


A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach Mental Health Coach Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Coach who also coaches loved ones of those with BPD.

What does all of this mean? It means that A.J. Mahari coaches people in these specific areas as well as general life coaching as well. The only reason for the different "titles" in front of coach, is to denote the population of clients that I work with. If I am coaching clients with mental health issues and challenges I am in those sessions a Mental Health Coach. The same for the other areas of my coaching expertise. All of my work as a coach, in the areas I coach clients in, focuses on similar aspects of people's lives, concerns, and journeys but with different approaches on my part. I work with clients to help them create healthy positive life-affirming change in their lives - to help them identify and achieve their goals and dreams. Part of that process involves education and a lot of this sacred process involves listening to my clients and asking questions that help my clients to open new avenues of thought and self-exploration. The cornerstones or touchstones of my coaching involve actively listening to you through the compassion, understanding, validation and non-judgmental and eclectic approaches I employ to help you to find what it is that you most want and need in your own life.



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A.J. Mahari's Life Coaching Services



This site was last up-dated December 7, 2013 - All rights reseved.